Conversations With The Neighbor

I adore my neighbor. She drives a Jaguar and wears diamonds and hotpants with marabou feathers - I kid you not - to water the lawn. She's not too much older than I am which is the funny part. We get along great and we have kids around the same age. She has all boys and I have all girls. The same ob/gyn delivered our children. We have at least that in common.

So the other day, after a morning of shopping, I breezed out of Bruce's car and found D watering the lawn in a tennis skirt and sporting a new haircolor - red. My heart lifted to see her and I walked on over to chat because I was feeling fine.

Me: "Hi D!"

D: "Hi Monica!. How're the girls?"

Me: "Great. Growing. How're the boys?"

chit chat chit chat....

D: "So I found out why Dr. X (our former ob/gyn) went on leave."

explanation: Right before I became pregnant with Brooke, Dr. X took an unexpected leave of absence from his private practice. He left a very competent friend of his, Dr. Z to take over the practice and that's who delivered my baby.

We, D and I speculated for months on why Dr. X left. Did he take a vacation? Was he stressed? Did his wife threaten to leave him unless he slowed down? The possibilities were limitless. He was so charismatic, so handsome, so young, so successful. Why would he leave a thriving medical practice in Encino? Maybe he retired. But his nameplate is still on the door of his office. We were stumped.

back to the conversation:

Me: "Tell me. Why did he leave his practice?"

D: "He is a compulsive shoplifter."

Me: "Wha? What could he possibly shoplift? Those Armani suits?"

D: "Please, Monica! Where would he stick them? Besides, he told me he went to Italy specifically to buy suits once a year."

Me: "Well, what, then? I can't imagine he needed to shoplift anything."

D: "It's a sickness. They caught him at Barney's in New York shoplifting jewelry. They took away his license. Apparently he's been caught before. I don't know what he's doing right now. Recuperating, I guess."

Me: Feeling bad for sweet Dr. X. Why did they come down so hard on him? Why did they take away his license? What could he shoplift - and I seriously wondered - from a woman who has nothing on and has all her netherparts exposed to him? Ask him to pay a fine and let the guy practice. He is the best doctor around.

"Well, I hope he comes back soon."

D: "Yeah. Me too. I miss him."