The Homemaker's Elves

If you read my blog regularly, you may be under the impression that my house is mess.

Actually, it is usually neat and tidy. For I, like the shoemaker of the well-known fairy tale, have elves.

It's great. Once a week or once every two weeks, it depends on how chaotic my life is at the time, I leave the garden gate open and 75 dollars on the kitchen counter. I walk out the door, go shopping or to the nail salon (well, that was before Brooke) and 3 hours later, I come back to a freshly cleaned home.

Also, every night, except when Bruce is on a business trip, the toys get magically put away. My shoes too. I find this annoying re my shoes, but I keep quiet about it. I don't want to upset the magic.

Co-Conspirators

These are the two whose mission it is to keep me from a life of liesure and relaxation:

Celeste - "Mommy, you're using a TOY spoon to feed the baby, Silly!"

Bruce - "Honey, I'd like to live in a house where I don't have to climb over 5 piles of laundry just to reach the bathroom."

Celeste - "Mommy, don't leave the baby on the Bumbo seat on top of the kitchen counter!"

Bruce - "Why do you have to be so nonchalant about butterfly stickers all over the bathroom walls? Tell Emme it is NOT okay!"

Bathrooms and Butterflies

This morning, Celeste came into my bedroom to play with me and Brooke while Daddy was taking a shower. I wondered where Emme was, but she is a quiet kind of kid who enjoys playing by herself, so I didn't call out for her.

"Mom, I want to take a shower too." Celeste declares.

"Sure." I am agreeable. "Let's get you ready to take a shower then."

We walk to the kids' bathroom. Celeste is ahead of me. The door to the interior part of the bathroom, the part where the shower is, is mysteriously closed.

The door opens and Emme pokes her head out with a sunshiney smile.

"Mommy, close your eyes. I've got a surprise for you!"

I suppress a small shudder.

I close my eyes and say, "Oh no. I'm not sure I'm going to like this surprise."

Celeste who had been scouting around says gently, "Don't worry mommy. You're gonna love it."

They lead me through the door and Emme tells me to open my eyes.

Firmly attached to the bathroom walls are about 20 butterfly stickers. Not the American kind that is easy to peel off. No. This is the kind from China. The kind of stickers that is like vinyl wallpaper. The kind that peels off in layers. The ones Nana Miller sent in her Halloween surprise box.

As I wonder how I am going to get these stickers off without damaging the drywall, Emme points out her favorites to me.

I can't help but point out MY favorites.

The three of us stand back and admire Emme's work.

"Daddy is going to be furious". Celeste states matter of factly.

No, I think to myself. He will be as delighted with the butterflies as I am.

What WON'T Go Into My Blog

This is what I'm NOT going to put in my blog:

Last night after I put the girls to bed, Celeste calls out "Mom, Emme's got a bloody nose!" This frustrates me because Celeste and Emme had been picking on eachother and I thought Emme had picked her own nose to get some attention.

I said, "Emme. Were you picking your nose to make it bleed?" She denied it, but I wasn't sure whether to believe her or not. Just in case she WAS picking her nose, I wanted to drive home the point that she should not do it.

"Emme, if you pick your nose, your nostrils will stretch out and become
big like an ape's."

"Okay Mommy." Emme says quietly.

Celeste, who had been listening to my lecture, asked, "Mommy, did you do that?"

"Do what, Sweetie?"

"Pick your nose?" She looks worried.

I am stunned. "You think MY nostrils are big?"

Celeste nods solemnly. "Yes, Mommy, did you pick your nose to make your nostrils big like that?"

omg - I was rolling on the floor laughing so hard because she looked
so worried. I'll bet that kid NEVER picks her nose - ever!!!

But I'll never put THAT on my blog. Tooo embarassing!

My Favorite Name

This afternoon Bruce treated us to some In N Out burgers and shakes. He brought them home and divvied the goods out onto our granite peninsula-style counter: One cheeseburger and fry combo each for me and Bruce, one hamburger with no bun for Emme and a cheeseburger with no cheese for Celeste. Sadly, In N Out burgers come without pickles.

We dig into our burgers as I feed our hapless baby organic mashed peas. "Can I give Brooke a fry?" Celeste asks. "Absolutely not." is Bruce's not unexpected answer.

I smell trouble.

"Mommy gave one to Brooke the other day." Celeste reasons. Bruce glares at me. I give my best unconcerned shrug. "Yes I did." I say giving Brooke another spoonful of peas. Bruce is easily distracted by Emme who is asking for more ketchup.

"Mommy," Celeste says, conversationally, "What's your favorite name?"

"My favorite names are Celeste, Emme and Brooke." I answer.

"No. What's your favorite ONE name?" Celeste asks with a dimpled grin.

"Miller." I respond with my own dimpled grin.

"No Mom. What's your favorite FIRST name?" Celeste insists.

"Bruce."

Celeste sits back with a defeated sigh.

Bruce soothes his daughter.
"That's the politically correct answer, Sweetie."

"Pass the ketchup Emme." I say, and I give Brooke another spoonful of peas.

Emme's Magic Show

Last night, Emme had a magic show at Aunt Vanessa's house.

Nana, Aunt Vanessa, Chloe, Brooke and I were seated in the family room small-talking when we were interrupted by a fanfare trumpet and a poof of smoke. Appearing through the smoke as it evanesced, was The Great Emery holding a magic wand.

"I", The Great Emery announced with her small chest puffed out, "have a magic wand, and I am going to make these shoes disappear!" She pointed her magic wand at a dainty pair of dirty white sandals lying on the floor. She waved her wand and frowned. Then her face lit up with an idea.

"Okay now everybody. Close your eyes." The Great Emery spoke with authority. "I will now make these shoes DISAPPEAR!"

We closed our eyes in breathless anticipation. We heard an eery rustling sound. "Open your eyes!" Emme ordered.

We opened our eyes and the shoes were gone! We gasped in amazement. Chloe twinkled her approval at such a clever trick. Nana praised Emme for her impressive sleight of hand. Aunt Vanessa and I clapped in delight. Brooke gazed at her big sister with wide-eyed awe.

Pleased with herself, Emme smiled and said, "Now I will make the shoes reappear! Close your eyes!" Again, we heard the eery rustling sound followed by the command, "Open your eyes!"

The shoes were back! We clapped heartily. Emme, delighted with her own performance and feeling rather confident, decided to make us all disappear.

The Great Emery flourished her wand. One by one, I disappeared, Nana disappeared and Aunt Vanessa disappeared. Another wave of that mystical stick and one by one we each reappeared: I with a curtsy, Nana with a twirl and Aunt Vanessa with her hands raised gracefully in the air like a model in The Price Is Right.

Exhausted, but content, Emme bowed and proclaimed that it was time for a snack. We agreed, and all of us made some chocolate cupcakes disappear forever.

My Celebrity Look-Alikes

Changing Lightbulbs

Vanessa and I had been trying to get each other on the phone for a couple of days. We kept missing each other until Saturday afternoon when we could both sit down for a few minutes, okay a couple of hours, and catch up.

As I'm talking to her, I can hear lots of commotion in the background. We're conversing and every 2 or three sentences or so, Vanessa shouts out, "They're in the laundry area!" or "Did you look?" and "Don't make me look for you!"

"What's going on over there?" I ask idly.

"Oscar's looking for his workboots." She explains, punctuated with "You and Sabrina have no idea how to FIND things!" (Not ME and Sabrina, Oscar and Sabrina.)

"Tell him you'll pinch him if you end up finding it yourself. That's what my mom would say".

Kindhearted Vanessa ignores my advice, choosing instead to rustle around and shout out, "I found them!"

"Pinch him!" I egg on. Again, Vanessa ignores me. I hear my brother grumble something in the background. He's saying something about the boots being old. "You do NOT need new workboots!" She scolds.

"What does he need workboots for?" I am interested. You see, Vanessa and Oscar own a large property. 1/4 acre. In L.A. County, that's HUGE. They have plenty of land with lots of opportunities to use workboots.

"He's going to change the lightbulb on the front porch." Vanessa tells me with a straight face. I'm sure her face is straight even though I can't see her. I can pretty much tell by her voice that her face is perfectly straight.

"So he needs workboots to change a lightbulb? NEW workboots?"

"Oh, you know your brother."
Vanessa is exasperated with ME and changes the subject.

Shooflies and Fairy Dust

The other night I and the girls were seated in the dining room actually dining. I can't remember what was on the menu, but I do remember the conversation.

Emme was self-satisfied because she had helped me prepare the meal while Celeste was upstairs playing computer games. Emme was pretending that she was the chef and that her name was "Sophia". Chef Sophia soon became tired of her name and decided to change it to an old time favorite - "Butterfly Kite". This frustrated Celeste to no end.

"What? Why can't you be Sophia? Why do you always have to be Butterfly Kite?"

I could not convince Celeste that Emme was still the same character, just with a different name. Celeste was becoming more and more furious. Emme was implacable. She was NOT Sophia the chef anymore. She was Butterfly Kite, and that was final.

After dinner, Butterfly Kite went upstairs to "The Tchiken" to get dessert. Meanwhile, Celeste looks at me and frowns profoundly. "Why does she have to be so, so EMME-ish!" she says.

Emme comes back downstairs and plops in front of us a small board book ladened with pink Mega blocks and a toy cake. "It's Shoofly Cake", she says. "It's made with Shooflies." she explains looking me in the eye. "They're dead."

Celeste perks up and asks for a slice.

I ask for a slice too. "Where did you get the Shooflies from?" I ask, sincerely curious to know. Emme looks at me blankly. "From The Tchiken"

"Oh! I know where she gets them from!" Celeste calls out, now in a better mood.

"I'll go get some." Emme says and runs up stairs.

Celeste's glowers once again. "I wanted to get them. I was going to get a piece of Swiss Cheese. I was going to say that you squeeze the Shooflies out of the holes right onto the cake." Delicious.

Emme comes back with her hands in fists. "Here they are! She pronounces and opens up her tiny hands with a flair. I swear I could see fairy dust and Shooflies tumble out like the roses from Juan Diego's poncho.

"oooooohhh! I KNEW she'd do that!" Celeste growls. "I liked MY idea better!"

I guess I could take my Shooflies from either girl any time.